Trying Not To Be A Starving Artist
“You should get a stable job in a science field.”
It was a common phrase in my home. I grew up hearing it every time I expressed my dream to make it as a writer. Both my parents are scientists, each with their own ideas of being a creative. Neither of them are creatively-inclined.
Somehow two scientific people made a creative person: me.
The constant berating and comparison in my childhood has stuck with me even now. I compare my art to others’ and feel inadequate. There has never been a moment when I’ve felt like something I’ve done was good enough.
So they pushed me to take science-based classes all through high school and into university. And honestly, it made me miserable. Even though I took art courses and writing courses, the work I had to do was draining.
I wrote as much as I could in high school and university, but at the end of it all, I felt burnt out. Like there was no creativity left in me. Trying to complete a NaNoWriMo during university didn’t help either.
It’s been 5 years since I graduated university.
It’s been 5 years since I lost the will to write.
It’s been 5 years since my plans to teach in Japan were dashed by a failed interview.
I’m just starting to recover now. I owe it to my husband for pushing me to write.
Currently, I work in a bakery. I took a baking program after my goals were crushed by the JET interviewers. Everyday I push my body to get food out to the public and I feel rewarded. But I come home and feel exhausted. Mentally and physically taxed. I struggle to write after work.
Knowing how competitive the book market is doesn’t help with motivation.
That’s why I took a Technical Writing Program. It brought me back into using my voice while trying to use the lessons I learned taking university writing courses. It’s writing for catering to others’ wants and voices.
Technical Writing is a stable job. There are always jobs for Technical Writers. They make good money as long as they find a job. The work can be quite dry, having to write manuals or operations guides. The work can be interesting, depending on the field you go into.
But I want to be an author.
At 27, I’m nowhere near achieving my goal of publishing a novel. My career as a Technical Writer is at a stand-still, because of my lack of experience. But I need experience to get a job.
So I keep plugging away.
I keep trying to write.
I keep trying to find a stable job.
Writing for a living isn’t an easy go. It’s good to have a backup plan. I’m currently on the back-up of the back-up plan. I’ve picked up other hobbies to keep my creativity going. Even though I’m not writing every day, I’m trying to do something creative.
Like most people — and me, I’m sure that your path to your dream won’t be straightforward. It’s okay to take your time to figure out who you are. I’m still working on figuring that out too.
I’m just hoping that my hard work will pay off eventually.
